Is love at first sight real? And could it happen online?

^{Written by: Mai-Vy Julia Nguyen}

We have all heard about the classic phenomenon of love at first sight. We know about this tale as old as time whether we learned it from movies, books or even in our day-to-day lives. In our modern age, the dating scene has evolved from a reality we lived in just about 20 years ago. In an online survey from 2022, findings indicate that more than half of young adults in the U.S. have used online dating apps or websites (Vogels & Mcclain, 2023).

This leaves us questioning: Is it possible to fall in love at first sight online? Is falling in love at first sight possible? What is falling in love at first sight?

What is love at first sight?

Love, at first sight, is often described as an inexplicable attraction where you feel an instant connection with someone. This first encounter leaves you feeling swept off your feet and, quite possibly, daydreaming.

What do experts have to say about this?

As popular as this phenomenon is, it holds little scientific evidence for its validity as a form of love. In a study conducted by Zsok et al., they found that love at first sight does not classify as its own form of love. They report that our cognitive biases might be pulling strings to enhance our partner and that first encounter, resulting in us remembering that moment in a magical way. They thought that love at first sight might not even be a feeling but instead a memory of a fabricated experience. Zsok et al. (2017) explain that this could be a result of our society’s romanticization towards love at first sight and how the media markets it as the ideal way to fall in love.

What were the main findings?

Zsok et al. found that love at first sight is not only a confabulated memory, it shockingly does not even involve any feelings of love. They concluded that it was a feeling of readiness to be in love. Hence, this leaves us with: love at first sight is an intense initial attraction—mostly physical—upon meeting someone (Zsok et al., 2017).

The four main factors of interpersonal attraction

If love at sight is not real, how do we fall in love? According to social psychologists, there are four main factors in play when it comes to attraction:

Proximity

In a study back in 1950, Festinger et al. tracked friendship formations between students in a housing complex at MIT. These students were randomly assigned to their residences and did not know each other previously. By collecting data from surveys, they found that 65% of students became friends with other students staying in the same dormitory building. Therefore, the closer the students lived to each other, the higher the chances of them becoming friends (Festinger et al., 1950).

The mere exposure effect

This effect suggests that the more one is exposed to something, the more they tend to like it. It could be due to the fact that humans are more comfortable with things that are predictable (Zajonc, 1968).

Similarity

It is no surprise that proximity increases the likelihood of similarity as it sparks shared interests and backgrounds. However, this does not apply if we have a negative view on that person to begin with. In that case, proximity can increase negative feelings. In addition, perceived similarity influences us more than actual similarity (Tidwell et al., 2013). Similarity influences attraction as it often leads to smoother interactions with less conflicts since both sides share similar attitudes (Kassin et al., 2021).

What about “opposites attract”?

This theory for attraction mainly holds true in low commitment relationships. When a person is looking for a committed long-term relationship, they are more likely to choose a similar partner (Kassin et al., 2021).

Reciprocity

Reciprocity is when we like someone who likes us back. Oftentimes, when we share similarity with someone, we expect this phenomenon to happen—for them to like us back.  This is the strongest indicator of attraction, that means even if we share nothing in common, and live in two different countries, reciprocity still has the power to influence attraction (Kassin et al., 2021).

Self-fulfilling prophecy

Social psychologists theorize that reciprocity may be an outcome of the self-fulfilling prophecy. This theory suggests that if we believe that another person likes us, we behave in more likeable ways by agreeing more, being warmer, making more eye contact, etc (Kassin et al., 2021).

Physical attractiveness

We were all waiting for it, physical attractiveness. Although we tend to try our best not to acknowledge physical attractiveness as one of the main factors of attraction, there is no way out! Physical appearance is often what we build our first impressions on. But why does beauty promote relationship initiation? Here are the three main reasons:

1. The Halo Effect: We tend to associate beauty with good attributes such as being honest, interesting, intelligent and successful (Dion et al., 1972).
2. We tend to believe that attractive people are more socially skilled (Goldman & Lewis, 1977). Although it isn’t always the case, attractive people do get more attention. Therefore, they get more practice to become socially skilled.
3. Attractive individuals are treated differently (Snyder et al., 1977). Because of that, they are more likely to be nicer (recall the self-fulfilling prophecy).

What makes someone attractive?

Across many studies, scientists have found that a person is deemed more attractive when they have an average face. To be more precise, if we were to randomly take five different people of the same sex and merge their faces into one, the merged face would generally appear more attractive than any of the five others. In addition, we tend to rate someone as more beautiful if they are at about the same level of attractiveness as ourselves. In fact, we perceive those as similar to us to be more attractive (Kassin et al., 2021).

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Falling in love online

Now that we know the four main factors of interpersonal attractiveness, we can conclude that attraction at first sight could also happen online. We can find those with similar interests to us by the click of a button, experience reciprocity from chatting, and be swayed by physical attractiveness by exchanging photos. These factors can influence attraction and our sense of readiness to be in a relationship with someone we meet. The only factor missing would be proximity which plays an important role in relationships. Therefore, dating online is a good means to find a potential partner. However, meeting in person regularly is an important aspect which will help you build a fruitful and long-lasting relationship.

Love happens in mysterious ways and psychologists continue to explore the depths of the aspects of love.

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Bibliography

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• Festinger, L., Schachter, S., & Back, K. W. (1950). *Social pressures in informal groups: A study of human factors in housing.* Stanford University Press.  
• Goldman, W., & Lewis, P. (1977). Beautiful is good: Evidence that the physically attractive are more socially skillful. *Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 13*(2), 125–130. [https://doi.org/10.1016/S0022-1031(77)80005-X]
• Kassin, S. M., Fein, S., Markus, H. R., & Brehm, S. S. (2021). *Social psychology* (11th ed.). Cengage Learning.  
• Snyder, M., Tanke, E. D., & Berscheid, E. (1977). Social perception and interpersonal behavior: On the self-fulfilling nature of social stereotypes. *Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 35*(9), 656–666. [https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.35.9.656]
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• Vogels, E. A., & McClain, C. (2023, February 2). Key findings about online dating in the U.S. *Pew Research Center.* [https://shorturl.at/lmrzC]
• Zajonc, R. B. (1968). Attitudinal effects of mere exposure. *Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 9*(2, Pt. 2), 1–27. [https://doi.org/10.1037/h0025848]
• Zsok, F., Haucke, M., De Wit, C. Y., & Barelds, D. P. H. (2017). What kind of love is love at first sight? An empirical investigation. *Personal Relationships, 24*(4), 869–885. [https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12218]